2005: A Cup of Sky

A Cup of Sky

(Past Forward – III)

Prolouge:

“Man is goal-seeking animal. His life only has meaning if he is reaching out and striving for his goals” (Aristotle). Such goals built primarily on the base of personal security and social recognition of our existence. We, by pattern, unconsciously keep on moving towards our own goal and we don’t have / don’t keep time to re look where are we.

The generals have a saying: "Rather than make the first move it’s better to wait and see. Rather than advance an inch it is better to retreat a yard." This is called going forward without advancing. Retreat like events could facilitate such magic into us.

There once was a monastery that was very strict. Following a vow of silence, no one was allowed to speak at all. But there was one exception to this rule. Every ten years, the monks were permitted to speak just two words.

After spending his first ten years at the monastery, one monk went to the head monk. "It has been ten years," said the head monk. "What are the two words you would like to speak?"

"Bed... hard..." said the monk.

"I see," replied the head monk.

Ten years later, the monk returned to the head monk's office. "It has been ten more years," said the head monk. "What are the two words you would like to speak?"

"Food... stinks..." said the monk.

"I see," replied the head monk.

Yet another ten years passed and the monk once again met with the head monk who asked, "What are your two words now, after these ten years?"

"I... quit!" said the monk. 

"Well, I can see why," replied the head monk. "All you ever do is complaining."

Although the monk only said two words every 10 years, he constantly thought of unimportant things, instead of focusing on what he was being silent for. Moreover, the monk did nothing but complain the whole time - in his head. The inborn impulse of self is more important than explicitly said thing for both official and personal growth. Is it not?

I always enjoy retreat process. For me it is not just an organizational event. More than I treat it as self – distillation process in which I use to scale my successes and distresses. “Knowing others is intelligence; but knowing self is wisdom. Mastering others is strength; but mastering self is power” (Lao Tzu). I make this opportunity to evaluate my wisdom and power.

This report will not be just recording my experiences - that happened in a given time period. “After all, Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want” (Dan Stanford) those unstructured situations are spontaneous and it sculptures my way of life. So, more than experience, I try to explore what next of my experiences.

Like Harry Potter’s challenges, every time expectations on me are getting tougher than before from family / friends and official side. It fuels me for personal growth. Some time I use to think, am I prepared for this? I know that, I need to go a long way to qualify my self for those expectations.

A Long night…

I never forget one incident happened in this year. That was a long night for me. It is related with suicide of Dharmar, worked as computer operator in Theni region. Dharmar was computer operator deputed from Kadamalai federation to Theni regional office. He is quit calm guy has good relation with me and other regional staff. On one bad day, he took leave by morning, went to his home, and attempted suicide by afternoon. It seems before his death he said to his mother that he has some problem in office. The unexpected suicide of Dharmar shocked the local village. After several miscommunications, we came to know the real incident by seven o’ clock. They started to enquire us by evening eight o’ clock over phone. All regional staff and my self were little bit panic with the incident. Most of you know that, how emotional the Kadamalai area people are.  But some how we started to go their directly in that night. It was by 12 o’ clock we reached the place. Local people are keeping their faces unfriendly. Both sides don’t know how to break the silent. I felt, the dark and we are alone and the unusual calm is very hard to digest for us. Fortunately Rajapandian (M D, KPVK) was their and he started to melt the freezed mood. Then slowly the discussion started. They are immaturely arguing based on Darmar’s last words. But we also highly disappointed with his lose and we try to explain them the reality. It is good that, our Panchayat program covers the local village. In addition, the President who is close relative of Dhrmar knows us well. After long clarifications, I think they convinced with us. We came back to location by morning 3 o’ clock. Then every thing went normal. Unfortunately, the real reason for his suicide is gone with the wind. This incident was taught me many lessons.

1.    Dare to face to worst situation – immediately: if we avoided going their in that night itself, then the problem may got different color and it may went beyond over control.

2.    Community is not as bad as I thought: my pre assumptions on Kadamalai area is that they are emotionally imbalanced, they are tough to handle. But after the incident, I could say that people are listening and they can be convinced, if we have truth with us.

3.    Importance of team: I never thought of going in that situation, if I’m alone. It is same to all of other colleagues present in that situation. The team force given a virtual strength to go and dare to face the situation.

4.    “When written in Chinese, the word “crisis” is composed of two characters. One    represents danger, and the other represents opportunity.” Therefore, whatever worst situation it also equally feeds good opportunity to learn. 

Working Inconsistently:

“I not at all concerned with appearing to be consistent. In my search after the truth, I have discarded many ideas and learnt many things” (M K Gandhi) After all, efforts and effects are like, theeraa nadhi (unending river) it will go and flow inconsistently, only I can enjoy is, to be in the stream. I also never have been consistent in my action. My desires and priorities are changing time to time. I’m comfortable being inconsistent. Because inconsistence is natural – we can’t find same pattern of clouds twice any time.

My idea on community, work and managing style are also not same as I thought before. Probably that makes me to be serious on me to watch the change. It makes be to be more dynamic and keeps away from monotonousness.

Such attitude is helpful to work in new theme. Because the nature of work is not static and it needs lateral dimensions with new ideas – in which I feel more comfortable. Last year we have attempted several new ideas in the areas of micro planning, panchayat parliament, voter’s training etc. all the efforts are purely of teamwork and enjoyment.

The best athlete wants his opponent at his best. I don’t know am I a good athlete in development game. However, my opponent – the issue is at its best. Yes, panchayat raj is the sector, in which corruption is systematically formalized well. By operational definition, “democracy is that, form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves” Curing the chronic malpractices, with in some years together is literally impossible. But such scenario challenges me to improve further to face such situation.

Focusing on team…

To build such character needs planned FOCUS. Here I meant to say that the focus is Follow One Course Until Successful. Nurturing focus needs good team and environment.

Basically, I’m not a good team player. I prefer to work individually. But with this panchayat work, I realized the magic of teamwork. Both at program level and location level the team dynamics triggers my way of doing positively. I always proud of my Panchayat program team. Even though we are suffering from shortage of human resource from its inception period, we could able to manage and as a team, we could perform quit good. This is because of our Inspiring program leader (Singarayar sir) friendly team mats (Elango, Selvaraj, Babu) and motivated location team.  

As you all know, my program leader is such a collaborative leader from whom our team is getting energy to do well. But recent days we are missing him for filed level guidance because of his additional roles. my colleague, elangobabu is nice guy, putting sincere attempts and believing in natural growth. Selvaraj and Babu are having good experience in this sector. So, it makes the whole team with good mix and makes the work as joy not as task. 

Looking back my activities… 

·         In my Block

The most satisfactory activity from my side could be the building of relatively conscious team in Batlagundu block. After two and half years of fluctuations, recently, my block team got stabilized well. Now confidently, I can able to delegate some roles to my location team and they internalized the purpose of our work. I put target to my self that, with in next six months, I should groom my team to excel in the Sectoral knowledge and making them as self – regulated teammates. I’m moving towards that and the results also pulsing well.     

·         Kadamalai Responsibility

I have taken additional responsibility to Panchayat location at Kadamalai block. But for the past 4 months I have not giving much attention to that block because of my other activities. I feel bad on it. The Kadamalai team is comparatively strong and stable the Panchayats positive to facilitate positive changes. More than one year it is operating with out an exclusive professional. Surely, this will affect the local team. I also feel for an experimental project more than anything does, adequate human recourse is needed to come put with different ideas and experiences.   

  

·         Micro planning

For the past two years, our team is involved in micro plan preparation for Panchayats. Now we have strong operational skill in participatory people’s plan preparations. In the process of enabling, we could able to actively involve people functionaries and panchayat leaders in the planning process for this year. The plan document came with good content and it speaks about the specific needs of community well.  

·         Panchayat Parliament

This year we could do innovations in the field. Especially establishing Panchayat parliament (Parliamentary structure at panchayat level) given good confidence, and recognition for our team. Now we are trying to attempt referendum and e – Panchayat establishment. Such innovation rejuvenates our mindset and encourages doing further. I proud that I also taking active part such innovations.      

·         Symposium

This year we have organized people convention on PRI as part of our symposium’ 2005. With this event, we could get wider contacts at state level and it was an opportunity to position our theme well. It also facilitated to act big – especially on establishing network for PRI. Preliminary processes are started on this, next year we will be executing it.

·         D H D R

For the past three months, I have involved as team member for preparation of District Human Development Report (a state planning commission project). It is very exiting experience. Because our six membered team lead by vasi sir is very vibrant and skills of our team members are complimentary to each other. Being the Human development is new concept, we are learning by doing. My discussions with Vasi, Sangeetha, Jana (Faculty, TDA), Saravanan and Kartikeyan.M are highly enriching and personally benefiting to me. I took self-commitment that to come out with an outstanding DHDR report. Looking forward for more exiting experience in this regard.      

·         D P M Course 

Our Panchayat program extended its technical support to people academy for preparing correspondence course in Panchayat management. Now the first batch is running. I’m happy that I also played crucial role in designing the course content, writing lessons and taking contact classes. Such work personally helped me to get more clarity in the panchayat sector.  

·         People academy

I use to enjoy taking classes. For me associating with People academy is a kind of relief from my regular activities. I use to take classes on ToT and Leadership for people functionaries and community leaders. It is refreshing moments for me.

·         Writings – Articles

I have over confidence on me that, I can write well in Tamil. Most of the time the articles never articulates what I indented to say. But in some fortunate moments satisfactory write up will come from me. Last year also some of articles related with leadership, team building, panchayat development are came well. I have intention to write regular articles related with traditional practices in future.      

·         Accounts Bills

Accounts, that is the worst job I ever perform. I’m irregular in bills submission. This is because of my interestlessness and supportlessness. These both factors are cause and reason factors.

Reflections…

Three statisticians went hunting in the woods. Before long, one of them pointed to a plump pigeon in a tree, and the three of them stopped and took aim. The first fired, missing the bird by a couple of inches to the left. Immediately afterwards the second fired, but also missed, a couple of inches to the right. The third put down his gun exclaiming, "Great shooting lads, on average I reckon we got it..."

When we see the things mathematically, the differences and problems are being averaged out. Last year also I have performed some excellent works and worst works. But in the end of the year when I’m looking back best works are countering my worst works and the average makes me to feel comfortable to justify me. This is the basic question for next year to me to come out of averaged out syndrome.

Morel: Don’t wash up with averaging the things. Specifics may have 180-degree deviation with what average says. 

Two surdars go for fishing. They catch a lot of fish and return to shore.
The first surdar says:  "I hope u remember the spot where we caught all those fish."
The other answers: "Yes, I made 'X' on the side of the boat to mark the spot."
"You idiot!" replies the first." how do u know u will get the same boat tomorrow." 

Most of the time our best practices are not having proper replication because of wrong documentation and misguided interpretations. Even in our program, such incidents were happened. We, as a team, put significant efforts in conducting or demonstrating ideal Gram Saba meetings. We also conducted one such model meeting in one panchayat. Our team felt very happy with that incident. But we could not perform the same in the next time. This is because we are not clear on the factors, which facilitated the previous meeting as good one. Beyond our own efforts and preparations community forces some crucial ingredients which is powerful than our sincere efforts. “If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster” (Steven R Covey)

Morel: Success is as dangerous as failure. When it is not properly, catch the lead factors

“We join spokes together in a wheel, but it is the center hole - that makes the wagon move. We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside - that holds whatever we want. We hammer wood for a house, but it is the inner space - that makes it livable. We work with being, but non-being is what we use” (Lao Tzu)

Every effort needs certain quarantine to make meaningful out comes. "We are drowning in information but starved for knowledge."(John Nesbit) This is what I convinced last year and I feel it is the great learning of the year. In our development sector, it is very true and important to note. We, most of the time put all our efforts to change the lives of disadvantaged. But true change will come only when we sit aside for a while after every work and reflecting on what we have done. “When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision”

Personal

It is almost more than four years over, I’m out of my family and associating with DHAN. By this period, my image got drastic change in my family circle. Most of the time they felt that I’m not much caring and interfering with family affairs. That disturbs me too. The coming year will be the crucial year for me, because my father, who is taking care of my family will be finishing his service. Obviously, I need to extend my support to my family. My brother, with whom I have great affection and pride is just started to branch out in his law profession. I think, he may take five years more to be firmly establish in his profession. Till then as a responsible brother to minimum levels, I wanted him to be with me. More importantly, by next year I may get married. At least, at this point of time I can say, I’m not prepared for those responsibilities. But life never waits for preparedness.

Epilogue:

I’m trying to move spiritual ahead (not religiously) just like a game, by chance I involved in spirituality. In my initial college days, where I never got proper recognition because of my lack of English proficiency, I stated to wear spirituality mask purely for attracting my classmates and satisfying my ego. But slowly I found the taste of reality. By then I never need of any artificial mask. Now I’m clear at least to me. I don’t need to act for others.

Like Sky, ultimate truth is infinite and omnipresence. To me, Sky and Ultimate truth are same. A cup will be automatically get filled with Sky when the cup is made empty. As well, if our mind is empty – free of predicted thoughts and assumptions, the ultimate truth will be automatically radiate in to us.

Isha Upanishad explains such transformation state as,

“That is full; this is full.

This fullness has been projected from that fullness.

When this fullness merges in that fullness, all that remains is fullness

Om. Peace! Peace! Peace!”

Not a cup, if I could add a drop of such truth in my life to heal my soul, then I am the blessed one, that is the Brahmanantha paravasam! 

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After several times, I have written this report in my mind. After getting a structure, I just put every thing in MS word at a single stretch. It is just like a labor pain to translate over thoughts and feelings in to words. After every thing put together, I found in several places I’m inconsistent, over writing and I may not clear what I’m trying to say. Even in some places I may be ornamented the expressions artificially. But I don’t want to change it. Let it be as it is. This is me as on December’ 2005.  

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